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es muy bueno! (English Translation: has large beans)

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Sandra Fluke

March 06, 2012 By: TallMexican Category: Chicks

Is Sandra Fluke just a fluke, or do college girls really have that much sex?

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Why Living in New York Sucks

January 31, 2012 By: TallMexican Category: Offensive, Retailers

Obviously there are at least a thousand reasons why living in New York SUCKS but here’s a good one for you! First let me say, I’m not a fan of Costco (paying $55 to shop at a store is insane) but my wife insists. However, did you know that New York State charges sales tax on your Costco membership fee? So now not only are you paying Costco to shop there but you also have to pay New York state, approx. another 10% or $5, to shop at Costco.

BURGER KING’S INSENSITIVITY TO ITALIAN-AMERICANS

January 11, 2012 By: TallMexican Category: Offensive

The other day I decided to visit a Burger King at my wife’s suggestion, and while eating my whopper/fries/coke, I happened to look down at my receipt and boy oh boy was I shocked! Right there as clear as can be, in bold letters, was the word “Whop”, not once but twice!

The dictionary defines whop as “A derogatory name for a person of Italian origin. Historically stood for someone “WitHOut Papers” thus the term WHOP.”

Now I don’t know what your background/heritage is, but being a first generation Italian-American, I found this to be totally offensive and unacceptable. I immediately threw my food in the nearest garbage rpail and left.

When I got home, I thought to myself, how insentative and cruel is this to all Italian-Americans who live here in this great country of ours, many who fought in major world wars to defend comapnies like Burger King so they could operate in a free country such as ours.

Could it be that Burger King would be just as insentivie to Blacks, Latinos, or Jews? I certainly hope not.

Cancer Cured Through Facebook Posts

September 27, 2011 By: TallMexican Category: Uncategorized

It looks like that demon cancer has finally been stopped. Through a series of Facebook status updates and Twitter tweets, all known cancer strains have receded and have been reduced to benign growths. No one can explain how this happened, but it’s testament to the fact that the power of Facebook status updates can really change the world.

Next up: raising terrorism awareness.

Proposed Ebay Policy Amendment for Late Payers

September 22, 2011 By: TallMexican Category: Uncategorized

In the interest of pleasing Ebay members, I have a suggestion for Ebay to help transactions go more smoothly. I think Ebay should shoot any buyer who doesn’t pay in full within 48 hours of the end of an auction. The threat of one non-fatal shot (fatal ones are for repeat offenders or Ebayers with negative feedback) should alter buyer behavior enough so we sellers can finally ship this crap that we don’t want in our homes any longer than need be.

Similar policies have worked wonderfully in Nazi Germany. Thanks, Ebay, for listening. Or not.

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NBA Arrests More Entertaining Than The Game

August 30, 2011 By: TallMexican Category: Sports

NBA.com needs to add a new tab to the top of their home page for “Player Arrests”. Given the likelihood that the league will NOT start on time due to the bickering between billionaires (while you and I can’t afford a White Castle lunch), I think the focus should shift toward the legal troubles these overpaid players seem to find themselves in. This guy’s got a good list of some of the recent NBA arrests.  They can even keep stats on marijuana possession, domestic abuse, hit and run, soliciting prostitutes, etc.  A brainy intern could then report on the “top” teams in each category.

I used to love watching a good game in which true athletes displayed their skills, but lately I’m realizing the NBA is ruined.  There are too many greedy players, owners, etc and with all the player movement it’s hard to root for any team, since it seems to be more about the individual players these days (think: LeBron James).  The constant reporting of when a player’s contract is due and how much money he could be making.  Money, I might add, that’s coming out of yours and my pockets.  How about forcing a player to stay on the same team for his entire career and force him to forfeit 90% of his pay if he wants to leave?

Although I’d actually hate to see it happen, I would love for all the players to head over to Europe and leave the NBA with no option other than to fold.  Then maybe they’d realize they killed the golden goose.  It used to be such a great game.

Schools Out

June 22, 2011 By: TallMexican Category: Music

Enjoy your summer!

The Heat is On – Glen Frey

June 09, 2011 By: TallMexican Category: Music

Woo Hoo Oprah is Gone

May 26, 2011 By: TallMexican Category: Food, Funny, TV

Unless you live in a cave somewhere in the mountains, like Osama bin Laden (yeah right), you know that Oprah has finally stopped her TV show. Not that the TM dislikes Oprah, in fact the TM has never seen the show and knows very little about Oprah. She seems like a genuine;y nice generous person who was probably instrumental in helping our commander in chief get elected in 2008.

However, with the end of her show, now all those couch clutching Cheetos eating tubbies can think about taking a walk in their neighborhood, or riding a bike, or maybe even exercising to shed some pounds. We all know this country is way overweight and the TM believes part of it is due to shows like Oprah that provide a hobby, read habit, for these chubs. Of course the numerous 64 oz. big gulps each day don’t help nor does the 3 lbs. of salad in lieu of a real meal help.

Anyway, let’s just hope that some of these Oprah viewers go out and do something physical and maybe, just maybe, they shed a pound or two!

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Oscars, Schmoscars, Give Me Some Good Films Instead

March 01, 2011 By: TallMexican Category: Celebrity Chicks, Film, TV

The Tall Mexican loves films, but rarely, if ever, watches silly awards shows like the Oscars, the Golden Boobs, the Spirit Awards or even the Clammy Fister Awards. First of all, can’t they settle on ONE name for the stupid statue; is it an OSCAR or an ACADEMY AWARD? I guess it doesn’t really matter since award shows are a complete waste all around. All they really amounts to are bigger paychecks for mediocre performances, which, by the way, means higher prices at the box office, and it also means that the quality of the films is rapidly degrading in the opposite direction that the star power is moving.

I had only seen a couple of any of the nominated films this (or any) year, despite watching about 1,000 movies every year since VCRs were invented. I really liked “The Social Network” (aka “The Facebook Movie”) and I thought the lead actor (who is always confused with the other geeky guy who looks/acts exactly the same) did an excellent job, but jeez, BEST PICTURE? BEST ACTOR? BEST somethingelse? I don’t know, I don’t see this film having ANY redeeming value ten years from now. I also had seen “Winter’s Bone” and, contrary to what you may think, it is NOT a porn film. Instead, it was a decent, albeit mediocre flick and almost instantly forgettable. In fact, I’d completely forgotten I’d seen it only a few weeks ago until I saw the clips shown for BEST ACTRESS. Ugh. I swear I thought it was some independent film that no one else would ever see. Whatever. I guess I just don’t understand what gets nominated.

As far as the hosts went, I could care less as long as they’re not Billy Crystal. I swapped back and forth between the DVD player while the hosts were on so I really didn’t hear their spiel. Anne Hathaway’s nice to look at, but I didn’t get why they hired that kid from Spiderman or Batman or whatever movie he appeared in, in which he was the bad guy. They don’t really need hosts, anyway, do they? I mean, has there ever been a GOOD Oscars show? One that anyone remembers even a couple days later?

My suggestions for improving the Oscars Presentation:

  1. Rename the show/award to “The Oscars” since that’s what it’s really known as.
  2. Eliminate hosts altogether, or at least eliminate the ridiculously unfunny bits and just announce the next award.
  3. Reduce the awards to FIVE awards: Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Actress, Best Cleavage and Worst Film.
  4. Don’t limit the nominees to a short list; let anyone in the Academy write what they actually thought should be the best in the category.
  5. Don’t limit speeches; they’re the only interesting part of the show.
  6. Introduce a “Boob-cam” for the red carpet and offer the stream live on the internet.
  7. No…, repeat NO dance numbers.  Ugh.
  8. The awards should honor movies that are five years old; not last year’s films.  Trust me, if this were the approach, no one would be voting for Erin Brokavich, unless they adopt my “Worst Film” category.
  9. All attendees, including (especially) the biggest name stars should withhold the cost of their gowns/suits/jewelry/etc… purchased solely for this event and just show up in jeans and t-shirts and donate the money to charity or young filmmakers.

Let’s face it, Hollywood is only Hollywood because of the truly great films and stars that have come long before now.  Some great films are still being made, but very few, if any, have any lasting value and surely will not be viewed years from now.  I can’t even imagine many actors from today who will be considered “one of the greats” like Gregory Peck, Audrey Hepburn, Alfred Hitchcock, Marilyn Monroe, Frank Capra, Buster Keaton, Barbara Stanwyck, James Stewart, Clark Gable, Clara Bow, Fred Astaire, Jean Arthur, Bette Davis, etc…

The saddest part is that the era of films, like music, is essentially over.  Special effects are taking over and decent writing is overlooked and I won’t even mention what passes as acceptable acting.  Ugh.  Yeah, Helen Mirren’s great, as is Kate Winslet, Johnny Depp (nee Hepp), but they’re few and far between.  (I can’t stand Meryl Streep, so please, no one mention her, especially in Helen Mirren’s sentence.)  However, through the amazing technical advances that made subpar crap like Avatar a box office smash, we’re extremely privileged to have many overlooked gems available on DVD.  They’re constantly releasing older titles, usually with restored quality and/or impressive bonus features.  For me, that’s what’s keeping the beauty of film alive, not some silly shtick by overpaid actors honoring crap films that we’d never watch outside of the big opening weekend.

I can’t wait to watch “The King’s Speech”.  I’ll probably enjoy it.  Or not.